Archibald Earley, IV

In case you've heard the rumors, they're all true. Especially the one about adopting a little, furry, four-legged baby. We're assuming he was given up for adoption due to his ridiculous amount of hair. Or maybe it was his razor sharp teeth (wouldn't want to be that mother). Or it was possibly due to his inability to fit properly into a diaper, thus making every living, breathing moment a possible wet and messy disaster. Whatever the reason, we're glad we got to adopt this little baby from the ghetto of Sweet Home, OR. We rescued him from a lady who had no teeth, and most resembled the Ms. Haddigan character from the beloved tale, Annie. I shudder to think about our little baby forced to clean this women's floor with his own furry body. That would explain the fringed, mop-like haircut she gave him before we took him into our home. But we must not dwell on his dark and putrid past. The future is all that matters now, and the future is as bright as the look in this little baby's sparkly face (or maybe that's the reflection from the goobers in his eyes, but you get the point).

Archibald Mozzarella Tyler Russel Elsa Woody Hunter Thompson Earley, etc. IV was born on January 15, 2014. We're not sure how much he weighed. But we do know he was dewormed -- several times. His mom's name was Hilda, and his dad Charlie. His parents were not married. We assume that's why they didn't decide to keep him. The first day we laid eyes on little Archie, our first thought was, "He looks like a hippo." Our second thought was, "He's ours." And the rest is history.

We brought that little black bundle of joy home after buying him a proper cage and a big bag of kibble. And like any good mother would do, I set my alarm to wake up in the middle of the night and take our little baby to his potty pad. He only pooped in his kennel once that night. We knew it was true love.

Since that first day, Archie has melted our hearts (and soiled our carpets). He really is the most advanced baby we've ever met. Have you ever met a baby who not only walks, but runs, at the age of three months? We have. His name is Archie. He's eating solid food already, and was done breast feeding by eight weeks. What a rockstar. His first words were, "I love you." At least that's how I interpreted it. He is currently learning to poop and pee outside of the house, a great feat for any infant.  He sits on command, unlike any baby I've ever met. He does not enjoy his baths, but they're good for him, and they kill the fleas that like to eat him. His medical student father is planning on giving him all of his vaccines. Vaccinations were a tough decision for us. We had heard that they could give our baby autism. But when we discovered that he already ran into screen doors, and slept upside down, we decided there wouldn't be any additional harm done. He'll have all of his shots done by six months. He is so awesome like that.

Everyone loves our baby. They can't help but cuddle him, and squish him. Sometimes he bites his admirers. But that's one of his very few flaws. His doe-like eyes and extremely cool eyebrows make up for any blood he might draw. He can frequently be seen chasing larger babies, mauling to death Lamb Chop, or cleaning his feet with his tongue (something we, of course, did not teach him).

We are so excited to have little Archie in our home (but not in our bed, since he once peed all over it). We can't imagine what life was like before, but nothing compares to the present joys of raising such an amazing individual. We can't wait to see what the future holds in store for our little guy. Of course we have the typical parent hopes of Rin-Tin-Tin level fame and Westminster victories, but as long as he is happy, then we're happy. And right now he's completely flattened out on the couch at my feet, snoring. I think we can conclude that he is, indeed, very happy.