Well hello there 2012. As I enter into the New Year, still with a hangover from our out-of-control New Year's Eve party with the cats (man, it was wild), I can't help but dwell on goals -- and that one time back in my mission during my last transfer when I was so frustrated that I defiantly proclaimed to my companion that when I got home, I was never setting another goal again -- EVER. Nevertheless, here I sit, a list of goals in hand. There is some unseen force that no matter how much I run from it, always grabs me and says, "Ding, ding: Resolution time!" As if a cake was baking in the oven and the timer went off, annoucing that it was ready to be devoured (oh but wait. you're on a diet and you cry yourself to sleep). Unforntatley, goal setting and I have always had a love/hate relationship. You see, my name is Jessica...and I'm a perfectionist -- a RECOVERING perfectionist, I might add. Every now and then I burn the food to allow myself to "let it go" (that's my exuse anyway. no comments please). I have this complusive need to set goals, but yet I know that it will not be fun trying to achieve them. There will be hope, there will be falls, there will be failure, and then I'll just be sitting on the couch waiting for 2013 to come around again so I can set the goals again. Because once you eat that cookie, you might as well eat the whole darn cake (i think I did that once, actually. again. no comments please.). Welcome to the life of a (recovering) perfectionist. Tonight I sit on my couch at 9pm and review my list of goals I made on Dec. 31, while coughing of hairballs. I go over each task, one by one, assessing my progress of today. Uh -- how long until 2013?
Luckily however, on the brink of a major relapse, having not met even one of my new goals I set, President Monson stepped in (who knew he went to AA meetings!) He told me the following:
"Courage is required to make an initial thrust toward one’s coveted goal, but even greater courage is called for when one stumbles and must make a second effort to achieve.
Have the determination to make the effort, the single-mindedness to work toward a worthy goal, and the courage not only to face the challenges that inevitably come but also to make a second effort, should such be required. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, “I’ll try again tomorrow.”
While I could just eat the cake, I choose to stop at the cookie. While I could agree with myself on the mission two and half years ago, I choose to strive for better. I choose to take on 2012 and all of my goals in all their glory. I choose to say my prayers at night, giving an account of my day, and then have the determination to say, "I'll try again tomorrow." I choose to dispel feelings of self-doubt and fear. I choose to look forward to the future with faith and hope. I choose courage. And I choose life. Here's to 2012. Mazel tov.
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| On or very near the day I just said no to goal-setting. |
