Guest Blogger: "If I Were Jessica..."

If I were Jessica, the legendary Oregonian, I would have to admit that I would have a LOT going for me. I would hate the effects of humidity on my curls and the hazards of whip cream on my straightened brunette hair. I would hug trees, stand up for global warming and say weird words like 'melk' and 'pellow'. If you knew me well, you would know that I dump this leftover melk from my cereal into the sink instead of drinking it. I'm pretty sure I would drool on my pellow too.

If I were Jessica, my favorite color would be green. Super (sketchy) South Provo would be my favorite jogging spot and I would have some pretty weird friends, well actually...I can't think of any that are weird. I would be super intelligent and all my Sociology professors would love me. I would be an SPSS expert and sometimes I might get a case of the hives, but I would be ok with that because it would give me character...right?

If I were Jessica, I would love anything Argentine and could speak Castellano like a native. Sometimes I'd get an ulcer and I would most likely name mine after an old boyfriend since they both can cause equal amounts of pain. But let's forget about painful things. Sometimes I'd run red lights while driving my car, Linus. Other times, I might hold his steering wheel so tight that my knuckles become abnormally white. Sometimes I might even wear tapered pants...and secretly love them (see below).

If I were Jessica, I would be nice to the dirty hippies at BYU and I would be Mikaela's number 2 on speed dial (number 1 would be her dad, naturally). I would have awesome shorts that I could wear while dusting the lightbulb outside my apartment that would guarantee me a date with the next guy that walked by. (I still don't know just how they have such charm...but they do). I would also like penguins.

If I were Jessica, I would be an Oregon fan (I'd really like the colors). I would hate smoked oysters (which would be such a crappy way to live!) and I would despise anything seafood (which would just be SO sad!). I would eat Gardenburgers almost everyday until my stomach could no longer process it as a food and I would shop at Costco to make sure that I could have trail mix for a lonnnng trip.

If I were Jessica, I would be a Rex. Like the dinosaur--rawr! My nickname would be Bill, not because I'm masculine but because Bill is really quite endearing--and it would differentiate me from the million other Jessica's in this world who had parents who liked the "Man From Snowy River" in the 80's, too. If I were her, I'd actually have seen that movie.

If I were Jessica, I would listen to chill music--like The Weepies, The Ditty-Bops, Ron Pope, Joshua Radin and other such musicians. I would maintain great hidden talents (kind of like breathing without making noise)...but I would keep them hidden. I would also have 3 awesome roommates--one that was dark, one that loved Jesus, and one that was pretty much Finnish.

If I were Jessica, not only would I be incredibly cool but I would also possess insurmountable amounts of trust--like letting someone have access to my blog to post things to cyberspace without me approving beforehand.

So as you can see, if I were Jessica...I'd be top notch, dang it.

Care for some potato salad?

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