Happy Holidays! (Here's your spray)

Bucket is home for the holidays. She arrived this afternoon at the Portland International Airport in all her glory. She was sporting a new puffy coat and her Chucks (naturally). Upon arriving at my house, she was finally able to witness in the flesh what my mom had been raving about for weeks -- Glade spray. Its label claims that it eliminates odors and freshens the air. The last time Bucket was at my house, she was appalled to find that my family did not have any in our possession. After all, we don't stink. Consequently, when it was decided that Bucket would be gracing us with her lovely presence for Christmas, my mother hurried out to Fred Meyer and bought a can of Apple Cinnamon. That was two weeks ago. And ever since that purchase, she has been texting Bucket, reminding her almost every day that she bought it, at one point even apologizing that she couldn't find the pine scent. So it was to be expected that when Bucket got the off the plane, the first thing out of her mouth was, "Where's the spray?!" Ok, so maybe those weren't her first words. But when she got to my house, the spray did quickly become the center of attention among all those in its immediate vicinity. When someone (who shall remain nameless) caused a stink on the couch, the spray was passed through many willing (and anxious) hands until it reached the pile of blankets, at which point it was quickly sprayed overhead, a futile attempt to smother out the already spreading stench, a stench which led my brother to ask, "Mom...did you put something stinky in the garbage?" Later, another anonymous perpetrator took off her shoes, letting them slide to the ground, leaving her bare feet exposed to the whims of the holiday breeze blowing through the room. Creating the warm, cozy atmosphere of a men's locker room following a heated game of high school basketball, those around her were anything but pleased. Some might have even been gagging. Once again, Glade was passed through the throngs until it was intensely sprayed directly onto the source of the odor. With soaking feet, the smell was suppressed - at least for a couple of minutes while everyone took deep breaths of fresh air. Still, later, another spurious eruption took place, this time from a little nameless criminal, who took it upon  himself to take care of the problem, soaking his backside until no smell would ever come out, again. (And we're talking in his whole life). So, you see, this new addition to the household has really made all the difference. In a world plagued by war and famine and sadness, Glade has brought a ray of sunshine under our roof, just in time for the Holiday season.

Thank you Glade, for being who you are. And thank you Bucket for introducing its potential to a family who was otherwise so blind and ignorant. We are now enlightened and will never be the same. 'Tis the season to be jolly, people. Happy Holidays.