Our Story, Stage 2: Dating

(For Stage 1, please see Our Story, Stage 1: The Beginning).

So now we have established how the two of us met and became just a little more than polite acquaintances (however awkward that beginning might have been). We talked over Christmas Break, and now I was back in Provo, and it was time to see where this might lead.

I was still casual about the possibility of a real relationship developing between us. At this point I was looking seriously at graduate schools, and had, to an extent, decided that I would meet my husband on that next journey. This did not stop Tyler from continuing the pursuit, however. The week I got back from Oregon, he called and asked me on another date. We went to a piano recital, and then he introduced me to the best the BYU Creamery had to offer - hot chocolate with peppermint candy ice cream! If he would've asked me to marry him mid-bite of that delectable goodness, he would have met no resistance (probably his plan all along!) We got to know a little more about each others' families. It was pleasant enough, but I still just didn't see a potential for a long-term relationship. He was too nice! I continued to be nonchalant about our dates with my roommates, saying he was nice, but that we just didn't have a lot in common. The key was, however, that I never had a reason to say no, and in fact, I remember distinctly feeling like I shouldn't say no. It was weird, but obviously, looking back now, I know why.

I was still very nonchalant about everything when I went out to Boston to look at grad schools that January. My friend and I were getting ready to skate on Frog Pond at the Boston Common (we couldn't feel our toes, mind you), and he called me. He told me he had been set up on a date that night. "Ok," I replied, not sure why he was telling me this (this just goes to show how different our perceptions were of the situation!) He told me he was going, but didn't want to. "Ok," I said again, not sure sure what I was supposed to say! Haha. Looking back it was the cutest phone call known to man. I realized then, just how serious HE was. I just wasn't sure how serious I was, especially being in Boston right then, thinking of the possibility of living there later that year.

Boston  University Tour

One night, a little after I returned back to Provo, was an especially crucial night for us, and it changed everything. We decided to drive up to the base of the Y. I'm a sucker for gorgeous views, and from that spot you can see all of Provo and Utah Lake (sigh). So we went up there to park and talk. For the first time, Tyler really opened up, and I saw him for who he really was. And I fell in love. Sometimes when you see people's true selves, you can come away disappointed, as their weaknesses and faults come to the surface, as well. Not so in that conversation. I discovered that Tyler was really as genuinely nice and good as he came across. He was open minded. He was loving. He wanted to make a difference in the world. He wanted a happy family. He saw the best in people. He loved God. There was nothing fake or counterfeit about him. He was reserved, quiet, and humble, which made it hard for me to see all of these things before, and had made me wonder if he really was real! But that night he let me see who he was.We had known each other six months by then, and he only then let is slip that he had a full-ride academic scholarship to BYU! (I told him right then and there that he could pay for all the rest of our dates and I would have no qualms about it!) This Utah Mormon boy was proving me wrong. We stayed up there and talked until 2am.

After a handful of additional dates, and MANY evenings spent in the library studying, we finally held hands. We were at my apartment with some of my friends watching "The Lost Boys of Sudan," a documentary about Sudanese refugees (so romantic, I know) and he grabbed my hand. I made it easy for him, but he took the bait! This was a huge step for me, and it meant I had finally made the conscious decision to give us a chance. After holding hands, we had the inevitable "DTR" (Determine the Relationship--such a BYU term) and he thought we should date exclusively. So we did. That lasted for a week, before I started freaking out. I still had doubts that we were just too different! I started to panic. So I did what any girl freaking out would do -- I tried to break up with him. I told him that I didn't want us to be exclusive. That I wasn't ready for us to have labels yet. I needed more time, I told him. I expected him to try to argue or to try to talk me out of my decision. But to my surprise he was calm and listened patiently. He said he understood. I breathed a sigh of relief. But as we got up to leave the picnic bench where we were seated, me more convinced that this relationship wasn't going to go anywhere, he stopped me and said, "But I'm not letting go of you." This took me by surprise! I had broken up with almost all of the boys I had previously dated, and they had LET me (we can discuss my commitment issues another day...ha!). And here was the most calm and content guy I had ever met, and he was the one standing up to me! While this should have a)freaked me out, b)made me call the police or c)made me question his sanity, somehow it gave me a sense of security. He had come to know me better than I realized.

The next day I decided we could date again. I realized that these decisions just had to be mine, or I would freak out (control issues, anyone?). Once I had made the choice to exclusively date him, I was fine with it! In fact, I was so happy about it! I was ready to put my all in this relationship.

That February we went on a date to a University of Utah's Black Student Union event. In honor of Black History Month, they were performing African American poetry, dance and song. (Do you have to guess who planned this date??) Tyler was the whitest guy there, but I was so happy to see how comfortable and open he was to new experiences (was this a test? maybe a little...ha!) It was an awesome event. And we even snapped our first picture together as a couple:

So mature, I know.

By the time the date was over, let's be honest, I was ready for him to kiss me. The kid had taken long enough. It was time. I casually mentioned that I wanted to see the State Capital, secretly thinking that this would make the perfect backdrop to our first kiss. I don't think he had a clue. So we drove up there. We sat and talked for awhile, and finally I couldn't take it anymore. I could not figure out why he wouldn't kiss me! I blurted out, "Have you ever kissed anyone before?" I had suspected this could be the reason. He got embarrassed, and said that no, he hadn't. I took a deep breath, thinking in my head, "Carpe diem!" and blurted out, quickly, "Well, I don't date VLs." (Virgin lips -- another BYU term, naturally). He just stared at me, speechless, taken aback by the ultimatum I had just thrown at him. Finally, he recovered enough to respond. "But I'm sick," he replied, simultaneously sucking the snot back up into his nose. It was true. He had a nasty cold.  But that didn't deter me. "I don't care," I said, more determined than ever. It was now or never, baby. And so he kissed me. And I kissed him back. And I got a cold two days later.

We continued to date each other, every day getting to each other a little bit better, and all the while becoming more and more serious.

Stay tuned for Stage 3...