It is a dark and dreary day outside. The rain patters against the window of my dorm room as I sit in the dim light of the florescent desk lamp. I can hear the cars passing on the street below, sloshing through the accumulated puddles of water. People's voices echo in the distance, but I don't try to make out the words. I am in a state, and any attempt to make contact with the outside world would only disrupt it. Like I said, it is a dark and dreary day. It is a day for goodbyes. It is time to say farewell to an old friend, one who has stuck by my side since kindergarten. I write this post, hoping that one day my lost friend will read it and have the burning desire of the heart to return to the fold so we can once again rekindle our friendship that brought me so far. And with that, I take a deep breath, wipe the single tear drop falling down my cheek, and begin.
Dear A,
I realize that many times friends and faithful companions drift apart as life goes on. But why now? What has happened to our friendship? It was so beautiful! Since kindergarten, you have been there for me. You have carried me through grade school (though I nicknamed you "E" then) and into junior high. In high school, you were my constant. I always knew that if I put enough effort into making our relationship work, you would be right by my side. Again, I ask, what happened?
You always looked so nice when I saw you. You consistently instilled in me a sense of confidence, self-esteem, and happiness. You made everything better, no matter how bad of a day I was having. I could be having a horrible time, and then all I would have to do is receive an essay back and there you would be, smiling at me. I want you to know that I truly love you for that.
There were many times when I questioned if you would always be there for me. Sophomore year I would sit in math class and visualize you sprinting out of my life forever. Junior year, as I studied for the physics exams, I stressed out over the possibility of you leaving. And senior year, as I entered the deep and desolate world of AP English, I was absolutely frantic over the thought of never seeing you again! Nevertheless, despite all of the close-calls and scares, you never left me. You remained a loyal friend. Thank you.
Coming to college, I knew there was a good possibility that you would actually go through with it, that you would walk out the door and never come back. Now, after taking the first round of exams and knowing my biology test is Friday, that possibility has become reality. You really are gone forever.
Today is a day of mourning. I mourn what used to be. I mourn what we had and have lost. I find myself surrounded by unfamiliar friends. I'm not used to seeing "C" or "D" around. I was always supposed to stay away from them. They were never good influences. They were bad friends, and I avoided their companionship all of my life - until now. "C" and "D" depress me. They are pessemists, and who wants to be around people who always look down on life. Dearest A, you always did bring such positive light to any room you graced with your presence. Oh, A. Where are you?
In this moment of weakness, I am in my greatest time of need. I have never missed a friend so much as I do now. You are my strength, and today I am but a rag doll. I could plead to you all night to return, but I know it will be of little use. You have found new friends. I knew coming to Brigham Young University would cause this to happen. You have found bigger and better people here on campus. Obviously, I am nothing more to you. I am merely like a blocked MSN contact - once loved, then hated, and now forgotten. I hope you're happy with your new friends. They're probably all snobs, anyway. One day, you'll find out that they're just using you. While I actually had feelings for you and everything you stood for, they're just using your connections to get into Grad school. I do indeed hurt for you the day you realize the truth in that. It will be hard to swallow.
Farewell, dear A. It was nice while it lasted. Maybe one day we will cross paths again. The chance is slim, but nevertheless, it is there. No matter the future, may you always remember the love we had for each other. May you look back on the past and find those pockets of joy and happiness. May you see that I was, in fact, your friend.
Love Always,
Jessica
1 comment:
That was pretty freakin' hilarious. I too feel as though I'll be kissing my dear friend A goodbye this year--a year earlier than you did, mind you. Even if you don't get straight A's, as you're accustomed to, still enjoy college. You seem to be having a good time. I've read all of the entries, and I have most certainly loved each and every one of them. :D
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