Jipped by J. LO

On Monday night I leave for Eugene. On Tuesday morning, I leave for New York City. And I like apples.
My highlight of the trip was going to be going to a taping of the View on Friday the 13th. We had the tickets. They had mailed them to us last week. In eager anticipation I got online and checked to see who was going to be on the show that day. Lo and behold Jennifer Lopez herself was going to talk to the ladies, and oh my gosh, I was going to be in the same room (fanning myself.) After the years of reading countless US Weekly's and People Magazines about her and P.Diddy (previously known as Puff Daddy) and then Chris Judd, and then Bennifer, and then Marc Anthony, and then and then and then and then...Now, my life will have finally hit its highpoint. Getting married? Hah! Having children? Hahaha! Winning the lottery? No. J. Lo is beyond all of this. She is the big time (and I'm not just talking about her booty.) Going to the View would bring to life all of the tabloid stories I've heard since I was born. For the first time in my life I was going to be able to say, "I was in the same room as (dramatic pause) Jennifer Lopez. AHHGHGHGHG!" And then, in the dark of the night, evil did find me.
It was 9:00 p.m. and I called my grandmother to tell her the good news about J. Lo. My good news however, sat up, took off its glasses and spit at me. What my grandma told me that minute broke my heart and shattered my dreams: She recieved a letter in the mail informing us that the taping for that day had been canceled. No explanation or apology. Nothing. Her words tore me apart, I believe to the point of the consistancy of food that Courtney Lovemark will have to eat after her jaw surgery. To put it simply, I was devestated, and nothing in the world, NOTHING, was going to bring my spirits up. Slowley but surely I watched as my future skipped out the window, taunting me with its elusive color. That's when I knew there was no point to life. That's when I knew I could not go on any longer. That's when I -----and then my grandma awoke me from my sorrowful depression.
"But," my grandma said, "guess who will be on the Today Show's Summer Concert Series Friday morning?" I asked, "Who?" And with that one little word of a question, she answered, "Reba." And then I knew that all hope was not lost. Reopen the heavens and restock the instant pudding because Reba Macentire will be in the house and I will be raising the roof! Thanks grandma, for giving my life purpose once again. Thank you for renewing my spirit and rejuvenating my soul. Thank you for the uplifting thoughts that you have filled my head with, and most of all, thank you for Reba, of whom I do not no anything about or know any of her songs. Nevertheless, ladies and gentlemen, J.LO is so out. Reba, Reba: Here I come. Yee haw.